In dire need of TLC...

Soulmate

2008-10-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Drink up, eat up, party up!!! Celebrate DIWALI :D

2008-10-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

It is Deepavali eve. i'v been in the room the whole day, reason being, nt coz im a loner or anythn, hell no, im nt; a fren of mine has my room keyz... of course he took it by mistake. coz jz the nite b4 we were sloshed. major partyin at a local club here. of course all ended well. i remembered drinkin up, being tipsy, n fallin flat on my bum on the dance floor. well i am hoping tht everyone else were jz as sloshed as i was, so tht nobody wuld'v noticed tht minor fall... heck even if they did, i culdn't care less. the next mornin was a whole other story tho. but a boring story somehow, coz i jz culdnt sit up let alone stand. stayed in bed all day n waited for the hang over to go away. had a long nice chat wit a fren in the evenin. n yest ended jz like tht. im supposed to be eating good ol' indian food but instead im here eating mac n cheese which is killin me by nw!!! cant wait to go to open house.

P/s: Happie Diwali all yall indian n non-indian folks alike out ther :D

Monday blues...ona Sunday afternoon

2008-10-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

my gawd summer holidayz were a blast!!!
it was the most amazing 1 and half monthz of my life.
now im bak in ukraine.on my bed. on a sunday. feeling like crap. i'v no idea y.
mayb i do. coz i kinda knew it. i foresaw somethn. 2 frenz hookin up. but of course the guy was
a close fren of mine. it kinda feelz like im alone nw. which is sorta true. coz i am alone here. but he was my 'person'. n nw hez seeing tis gurl whoz a fren of mine as well. anyhow i cant help but feel a lil' envy seepin thru my veins. but owh well thtz life. itz alwiz a pain in the arse. im happie tht these 2 hv met n r goin out. most certainly!

i do regret tht i'v nt spent enuff time wit couple of my girlfrenz (shida n hammy). but the few times tht we did go out, it was crazy! undeniably! i miss these gurlz. i'v no idea wat shida is up to! but hammy is jz out ther doin wat im tryin to do... bein a proper student.

tomoro is another monday. kinda need to get my handz on the books. namely SURGERY. a book so thick i feel my brainz need to be revamped to be able to decipher the contents of it! one consolation would be tht my teacher is good lookin bloke with piercing eyes with the colour of the ocean!!! n hez actually pretty young. watchin him talk in class, wit the intensity in those eyes, makes me feel i'd drown in his pretty eyes. gorgeous. yikes! im hormonal.

but who could blame me, the past week was a mini roller coaster of events. i was hit at wit a bottle of juice, at which my reaction was completely normal; i got so angry, my face looked like a swelling, red tomato. walked out n lodged an official complaint only to hav it annulled as the perpetrator (someone i knew) came apologizing later in the evening.
i jz tot i'd forgive tht person. but somehw the tragic moment keepz popping in my mind like a chat window in MSN! tryin to get it behind me! n they say, to err is human, to forgive is divine???
bollockz!

i went off to watch a short (thank gawd) performance by my Nigerian colleagues here as they celebrated the Nigerian independence day yest. was interesting. they shared wit us a lil of culture from bak home. n here i am nw. reminiscing the past week. as another one would begin tomoro... im still a bit melancholic over the fact tht my 'person' is dating again. cant get it off my mind. but im darn sure i would since i have a whole 8 and half months to spend in this dingy place!!!!

You tell me!!!!

2008-05-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

i din get thru exam today. real bummer, yea im disappointed n all. but isnt failure a stepping stone to success??? Rite. thtz hw i comforted myself. of course ther was this silent fight betw the lighter n darker side of my mind, the lighter one saying 'it'z oni a paper' n the dark one was sayin 'u culd'v studied harder, but instead u had to sleep, din u!!!' after all the torment n regret tht i was indulging myself in, i decided, itz time to move on n get the next paper DONE!!!! the reality is i oni hav ONE day to study n therz certainly no use crying over spilt milk!

anywayz the reason tht im bloggin is, besides procrastinating (yet again!!!), to put down in words hw the day started for me. i actually took the marshroot which takes longer than usual route to the hospital. *they called the mini van- bus thngy "marshroot" here*
the guy went to the airport before heading for the hospital,and the worst part is: he din quite make it to the hospital in the end anyhow, coz the blardy marshroot broke down!!!!! imagine how i felt!!! culd it get any worse... i went to the exam 40 mins later. i was the last person to go in! owh yea plus i failed.

so u tell me...
tell me tht it's okie to b pissed at the world !!!
and i tot tht 13th may had to be unlucky!
crap!

donut mess!!!

2008-05-03T09:38:00.002-07:00

itz been a long day today...
woke up at 5 am to make donutz, only to find out hours later tht i'v messed up the dough.
all tht flour, eggs n sugar went to the dumpster jz coz... i actually did nt noe tht too much soda
would make it BITTER!!!
amateur!!!! wat was i thnkn!!! then i remembered this saying i came across in facebook; ' no regretz, jz lessonz learned'!!!
boy oh boy itz easier said than done...
my mind was so frazzled! felt so bad coz i culdnt deliver the order. luckily my forgiving friend
had managed to get some donutz frm a nearby store.
mayb i'd get better at makin donutz in the near future but for the time being, thnk m gona stay away frm the kitchen.
yea u culd say tht im a lil traumatized by the whole 'donut dumpster' incident!

holidayz holidayz!!! nothin like holidayz!!! after all the early mornin wakin up to class, n stayin up late for homeworkz, a week break is jz the ideal thng a student like me culd dream of...
din go places tho, i mean i dun thnk brisk walk in the nearby park is counted as an outing, but nevertheless, i did get out of my room! went to the bbq party! tht was remarkably FUN!!!
loadz of games n food! i came bak feelin like i'v been bashed up n thrown against the wall!!!
i was DEAD tired! i thnk i would'v done like all the physical exercise i needed to do since like 8 mthz ago. i was practically screaming my head off playing games like a 12 year old. felt so damn good!!!

now m gona on a movie marathon n do absolutely nothin but tht. coz tomoro i'v gota start stdyn for the examz :( all good thngz muz come to an end... nooooooooooo.....

fresh, bright colours!

2008-04-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

the sunset frm my window is absolutely breathtaking; one of the few good thngs simferopol provides. m lovin the spring, the colours, the smell of rain, the birdz chirping; everythn.
all cause im jz 3 mthz away frm home. nthn can lift ur spirit up than knowin u'd be home soon. therz nthn like home i tell u. nthn like being surrounded by ppl u adore, places u noe n food tht makez u crazy! m jz dizzy wit excitement. coz im goin HOME!!! sooon!

but rite nw... ther is the 3 mthz in between. ther will be examz, ther will be tough times...

yea and resolutions were meant to be broken; thnk i broke a few. but nthn bad happened to me.
as for the guy; im trying my bloody level best to stay away. hoping someday soon, my dream guy jz appears,.. and then... well i havent planned tht far ahead yet, hav no idea watsoever...
thng is letz jz wait n see. coz life as i noe it hasnt changed much. tht dream guy is nowhr to b found. n im still me.
my point is im doin some baking, to keep me sane, to keep me occupied, im doin thngz, i go out, i read bookz, im jz nt idle! i refuse to be sittin n wastin my time, jz nt doin anythn.
so yea i'll survive. oni 3 more mthz...

time will tell...

2007-12-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

phew! itz been a mth. cant really remember wat i'v been doin. but for sure itz the exam season.
itz a killer! anyhow, been survivin, somehow. frenzz r of great importance now. they help to get on ur feet evry once in a while. i'v got a significant few. but of course, within a month i'v also realized some jz come n go in my life. some left. some stepped in.

all tht said, i'v come up wit a few new year resolution. since itz my first time tht i'v really tot of comin up wit a few n sticking wit it.

so here goes,

1. no alcohol
2. no abusive/obscene/vulgar words
3. no making out wit tis one guy tht im nt supposed to b makin out wit in the first place
4. no clubbing

there! itz nt much but itz somethng im gona try n avoid. since doin all 4 of those often getz me into loadz of trouble!

till then i culd oni hope tht the new year has lil bit of itz own twists n turnz for me...
Happie New Year!!!!!!!

fallen soldier

2007-11-25T13:34:00.000-08:00

this lil soldier cant soldier on any longer. there are more reasons to quit than to stay on and fight this neverending fight! i cant muster any more courage. i hate tis point of life. keepz gettin worst. if this was a tunnel, itz a damn long one. mayb without even an exit coz i dun see any light! surrounded by darkness. i cant even talk to anyone coz i hav no one to talk to. my head is filled wit a thousand mind boggling questions, to all of which i hav answers to none. wat shd i do now? shd i jz slit my wrist n see hw much i bleed?? shd i jz watch the blood oozing out of my veins?? coz i dun thnk i wana believe in souls or heaven or hell.
i thnk itz a big, fat hoax!
itz getting harder to breathe.
wat am i still doin here??
wat will happen if i jz threw in the towel??
wat if i jz disappeared into thin air??
wat if i din exist any longer?
why am i still doin this?
nothin is makin any sense anymore to me. i thnk all i need is some pillz. or mayb im jz depressed n surprise! i'v got no one to talk to.
i feel so alone. never felt more alone in my life than tis. crying doesnt ease the pain anymore. jz keepz worsenin. hw much longer must i do this??? i jz want to be happie. at least nt depressed. i dun mean to b a social outcast but itz much easier nt to make an effort. therz no way out of tis. if i quit, i cant thnk of anythn else tht i culd do. im such a freakin loser. im plastered into tis. no turnin bak or going forward. jz stuck. stuck for good. it'll all jz be easier if i jz did it! jz took the bloody shortcut! jz slit myself. but m a coward. im lost. im losing my mind anyhw. cant explain.shame.

another sunday mornin...

2007-10-07T01:52:00.000-07:00

i hav it good. so yea the last time i wrote it was about my roomie and some guy i culdnt hav. turnz out my roomie is jz inconsiderate. all she cares about is her injured boyfren. she doesnt care hw anythn affects others. other ppl besides myself are getting very frustrated at hw irresponsible shez behaving. and these other ppl are openin up to me about tis issue. n i thnk itz all gona boil up to b a major catastrophe.

and the boy i tot was evrythn is also jz looking out for his best interest. i dowan to b the hypocrite sittin here n writing bot other pplz selfishness. coz i'v been an ass too. it happenz wen we look out for ourselves. we wana make sure nobody steps on our head n nobody takes advantage of us.

yea drama rite... now im on my bed coz im like basically stuck in between the 'other ppl' n my roomie and all tis dillemma is driving me nutz. coz i din do anythn n if i did somethn someone will be affected.

newayz as far as today is concerned im jz gona chill out on my bed and watch some good ol' movies.

I want to be your DRUG...

2007-09-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their message away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

bitter like me.

2007-09-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

itz been a tuff week. i'v lost my space. no privacy. my room, my sanctuary, my crib, nw, itz jz a space. yea well her boyfren is injured. so he has to stay here so tht she can care for him. i wish i had more money so i culd jz get a room for myself. without havin to watch wat i watch evryday. kinda gettin on my nerves. but hez injured. n bein the good human bein tht i am, i jz have to suppress my thoughtz of annoyance. crap.
added wit all the stress frm studies. itz another thng i hv to live with.
totally suckz. thnk god, im bloggin. a fren of mine said, thankz to bloggin we can nw save the trouble of knockin on the psychiatrists' door.
to b sittin in ur own room like a friggin stranger is torture, it totally suckz.

and finding out tht the boy i like is nt exactly single isnt much of a help either.
i duno if it'z the luck this place bringz me or jz tht i shdnt b here in the first place...
nthn is workin out for me in my social life. everythng is annoying.
itz only been a mth since i came bak. n im already feeling lonely... this is bad. coz i'v got the next whole 9 mthz to spend here. n im nt liking all tis. i dun get it y i get all negative wen i write. mayb tis is wat they call pouring ur heart out...

m missing home.family. missing them all. missing them loadz. i'd take a flight n go bak tomoro if i culd. if only i culd. dun feel much of a doctor. dun feel like a lot of thngz anymore. feel wasted. again. itz jz like itz a nightmare without an end. goes on and on and on. if ther was an ending, all i want to be is DEAD. the feeling is inevitable. but itz nt a lie n itz ther. the feelin exists.
im bitter all over. :'(

why do we want wat we cant have?

2007-09-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

i jz dun get it. y am i jealous of his girlfren??? crap. beginning of an episode of torment for me. time and time again. i need a new booty call. neva hav an attached guy as ur booty call. lesson no.1.
lesson tht i cant seem to be learnin coz im makin the same mistakez over n over again.
argh im driving myself nutz. itz jz crazy. my world is crumbling.
being me is jz so difficult.

another week beginz. m gona be runnin around hospitalz. hopefullyi culd take my mind of him.

2007-09-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

so here i am. in ukraine. again.
itz still sunny. summer isnt over. at least for some.
for me ?? itz bak to bookz n lectures n tonnes of runnin round to get thngz done.
it was hard leavin home. alwiz has been. still nt quite used to it even though itz been 3 years since i've left home. i do return home evry summer. yet leavin has never been easy. this time wasnt an exception.
i do miss home. i miss evrythn about it. evrythn.
lots of sacrifices hav been made so i can be here. pursue my dream. yea im pursuing my dream. medicine.

summer holidayz was a blast. made new friendz. chilled out. pigged out. was fun! spendin time wit ash doll was a bonus. nw i miss tht lil brat! nthn like home i say!

m here now.
my goal is only one tis semester. study.
coz they say itz the toughest year in medicine. 3rd year. one of the most crucial years for a student like me. went for pharmaco n radiology class. din understand a damn thng tht russian dude was saying. thnk im gona teach him hw to speak proper english! was miserably boring class. talk bout staying spirited!

and one more thng im getting used to; people still ask me if i hav a bf... my answer...silence.

tomoro microbiology! clostridium perfringens is calling my name out loud!!! time flies!

season 4: summer's over

2007-08-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

they say all good thngz must come to an end. so i guess tis is it. summer break has come to an end. but it was a blast to be bak home. spend time wit family and frenz. priceless. there were the occasional humpz n bumpz. but i wouldnt change any part of it coz it was all fun nonetheless.

now itz back to a whole other drama of campus life. season four will begin soon!! guess im watchn too much reality tv. :P

plus im new at this whole bloggin thngy. so might b some time b4 i 'do up' my page...

~~ In dire need of TLC... ~~

~~ Soulmate ~~